I am beginning to think that Martians have invaded our world. I even have proof. Sort of. More on that in a moment. I don’t like spiders. Most people don’t. I am not deathly afraid of them like some people are. My brother for instance. When I was about fourteen I found a spider with a body about the size of a baseball. I put it in a box and gave it to my brother to open. I may have suggested there was money in the box. His terrified little dance and loud girly shriek was almost worth being beat up for.
While I am not terrified of the eight legged critters I don’t have any use for them. So I am not real happy that our country home is being invaded by them this year. Maybe it’s because all the bats have mysteriously vanished. Perhaps we can blame it on the frackers down the road. For whatever reason we have a bumper crop of the little annoyances this year.
But come to find out the most numerous of the eight leggers aren’t really spiders at all. What I have always called “Daddy long legs” are actually called Harvestmen, or Harvesters. Scientific name Opiliones , an arachnid, but not a spider. Close enough for government work, if you ask me. And this year we have a bumper crop of the weird looking things.
The urban myth is that these “Harvesters” have the most deadly venom known to man. A single pinprick of the poison from them will kill you deader than a Luzerne county judge’s career. The only thing that saves us is their tiny jaws are too small to bite human flesh. Right.
You’ve seen them. Tiny round bodies suspended by elongated, almost comically dainty legs. We have clusters of them by the button that opens the garage door. You either have to brush them aside (Ewww) or blow on them to urge them to go away. They scurry along their way looking very much like those Martian fighting machines in the “War of the Worlds.”
And this is why I think Martians. I mean how else would H.G. Wells come up with that idea? Those little things are actually the Martian’s transport and inside all of them are tiny Martians waiting to dominate us. The only problem? They are too tiny to have much impact. But their numbers are growing. Every year there are more of them and soon they will have their way with us. Picture several hundred thousand of the creepy things all over you, trying to bite you with their little jaws. You go ahead and picture that. It makes me feel itchy.