Imagine you are answering natures call in your local drinking establishment

You know what they say about beer, that we only rent it? Anyway there you are, tending to business when suddenly a voice erupts from the urinal.

Let’s drop back for just a few moments. I have heard and seen some unusual things in the restroom. Without a doubt I have learned more scanning the graffiti in there than I did in any high school personal hygiene class.

I have seen cross dressers and men in kilts raise their skirts to do what no woman can, stand and deliver. I have heard noises in adjoining stalls that clearly were not human. But I have never, not matter how much I have had to drink, ever heard the urinal speak to me.

But now science has developed a sort of urinal cake that speaks to you while you are relieving yourself. The device looks like the plastic that you sometimes see at the bottom of the urinal and when you stand over it the device detects a change in the light and tells you any number of different messages.

It might say “Hey you. Having a few drinks?’ Then suggest calling a cab or finding a sober friend for the ride home. The messages can be tailored for the bar including one for the dangers of drinking while boating and one for motorcycle bars.

But that’s only one function of the device of the Wizmark-the interactive urinal communicator. It can also just be an advertising device. It could sell, oh I dunno how about BEER? In a 10 to fifteen second pitch including some simple animation it could be extolling the virtues of a brew while you are getting rid of some.

I think the possibilities are limitless. “Having a little trouble going? Visit Dr. Dribbles prostate clinic” or “Drinking and sex don’t always mix. Try Viagra!”

Maybe something like “What’s a big guy like you doing alone. Try the Cupid stupid dating service.”

The only real drawback I see to the device? I can’t imagine it working with the members of the female persuasion.

First of all the voice would be rather muffled. Secondly I think most ladies I know would, upon hearing a voice from down there, be catapulted off the throne with less than pretty consequences.

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About James Rising

A recovering radio addict wrestles with the written word.
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