A mountain of clichés

I have a love hate affair with clichés. If one more person comes up and says to me “hot enough for you?” they will be “pushing up daisies.” “On the other hand” (that’s a cliché too, right?) I am the king of the pithy saying in these parts.

That’s mostly because I am “older than dirt.” I can’t help myself. “Old habits die hard.” I don’t mean to be an “old fuddy duddy” but “there’s no fool like an old fool.” See what I mean? “It’s all downhill from here.”

One of the better definitions I have seen is a cliché is a phrase that is used excessively and has become a bit meaningless and even irritating. Well for “crying out loud!” I certainly don’t mean to be meaningless or most of the time a “pain in the neck”, but I love my clichés even though “there is a thin line between love and hate.”

Sometimes I will throw out one of my older chestnuts and I will get a look like I am “crazy as a bed bug.” Here’s an example. “who’ll bell the cat?” I know what I mean but when I say it people look at me like I am “dumber than homemade dirt.” This is fun but “it’s all fun and games till someone loses any eye.” You have to wonder where some of these come from. I mean “funny as a fart in church” is easy enough that even someone who is “one brick short of a load” can get it. But “go bananas?” The first time I heard that “It was like having one foot on shore and one foot in the canoe.” What the heck does it mean? I guess I am just “as thick as a brick.”

You don’t have to tell me “the check is in the mail.” I can “read between the lines.” My life “is an open book”, “worn threadbare” By people “reading me the riot act.” I don’t know if I am “ready for the funny farm”,”your guess is as good as mine.” In any case “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” and “your mileage may vary.” “Good bad or indifferent” you have to agree “a good time was had by all”.”

Well before “the cows come home” and I am “late for my own funeral” I had better put the “finishing touches” on this. “It’s too late to plow, might as well dance.” Even though I am “busier than a one armed paper hanger with the crabs”, “more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers” I have to say “Alls well that ends well.”

“Or then again I could be wrong.”