Car wars

I have mentioned here that we are car shopping.

The long-suffering wife’s 2001 Pontiac Grand Am with 108,000 miles on it and no encumbrances blew up in an an expensive, not worth it to repair way. Stopped dead in her tracks. The mechanic said there was antifreeze coming from the tailpipe and oil in the radiator. A master mechanic I am not. Knowing these are bad signs I can handle.

The Father-in-law says “Too bad you didn’t trade it before.” Thanks. Thanks a lot.

So the past few Saturdays when we should be going to yard sales and flea markets we are looking at replacements.

At first The LSW does not know what she wants. She does however know what she does NOT want. So we narrow it down bit by bit. Foreign cars are not to her taste, regardless of the fact that I have owned several and had very good luck with them. Never mind that most Hondas and Toyota are American built and most US cars are built in Canada and Mexico. We don’t go there. I have been married twice, this time to this woman for 27 years. I intend to stay married until I die, to the LSW, if she will continue to suffer me. So she is allowed any preferences. She has earned them.

I am letting her take the lead on this adventure. Letting her get greeted by the car salesmen. In point of fact the model for car salesmen has changed over the years. They discovered that Mom is actually pretty key in the choice. No longer the “little lady.” But I am taking this to extremes. I wear my Red Sox cap low over my eyes, with sunglasses on. I look down when approached. Mumble. Speak in short sentences, only when spoken to. This is actually working, as the guys that work the car lots are finding out more than I have.

In three or four weeks several car salesmen discover these facts: She wants grey. No, Silver. Four doors. Floor shift. Cloth seats. Spoiler on the back. (?) 6 Cylinders. Not new.

She doesn’t like the “look” of some cars. No real reason. The nose looks wrong. The back is too square.

She has owned Mustangs and Camaros but those are not what she wants now.

Ford Fusion? Uh…a maybe. Probably not.

Chrysler of any sort. NOT A CHANCE.

Chevy Impala. Here we are close. One sales guy got her to LOOK in one. Did you think we had actually tested any one of these?

A “helpful” acquaintance provides the Consumer Reports issue about cars. The Hondas and Toyotas and Nissans all score at the top. The worst? of course. You guessed it. The Chevy Impala. The nicest thing Consumer Reports said about it is that it has a large trunk. On the other hand the mechanic who works on our cars when they are out of warranty loves the Chevy. Does he just want us to buy a car that will be in his shop a lot?

The LSW is frustrated. Couldn’t we just fix her old Grand Am? Or buy a ‘newer’ version of her old car?

The Grand Am was discontinued in 2005 which we have decided is too old a car for us. Pontiac was discontinued altogether in 2010.

But…what replaced the Grand Am? Could I look on the internet. (cue theme music from Jaws)

The G-6!

And so the LSW has after all decided what she wants. “A newer, up to date version of her beloved Grand Am.”

We found one. In Bloomsburg. Maybe. a 2009. Low miles.

Here is where looking for cars on the internet gets a little tricky.
Take a look here-see where it says “request more info”?

I did that and used LSW’s name.

Then I got antsy and called the dealership and asked for the Salesguy-this was about 7 PM last night. They gave me his Cell Phone! So we connected (I am guessing he was at a bar, it was real noisy) and he checked on the car. Not sold, would we like a test drive? The LSW affirmed so Saturday at 10 AM was set.

Here’s where the disconnect comes in. About half an hour later the phone rings and whoever wants LSW. I fielded it. Guy about the car. Told him we had a date with salesguy to see it. He said “We don’t have a salesguy named ***.

Cue theme music from Twilight Zone.

Then who did I talk to? Guy on phone has no idea. In any case the car we want is in SUNBURY.

Where?

I am completely puzzled. The LSW is distraught. The whole world is crumbling.

After about ten minutes back and forth this guy finally admits that the car in question is probably in Bloomsburg after all. Heh. The internet. Heh. But he has one too. In Sunbury. Would we like to see it?

A little light goes on in my head. I demur. Assure him this is the car we want to see. He allows as it is a nice TWO-DOOR. (I am looking at this picture of the car)