Today I had to take my wife to work. The reason for this morning’s trip was the three inches of wet heavy snow which then changed over to sleet then to freezing rain. A regular potpourri of weather. Because I have a nimble all wheel drive vehicle I am elected to be the chauffeur.
I had gone about a mile before it happened. The first driver to piss me off.
This was a jerk in huge pick up truck with a plow wider than the road. This nincompoop was talking his half of the road out of the middle and damn near creamed me. Plus he driving like he was setting a lap record for the Daytona 500. I yelled “Get on your @%^&ing side of the road you @#$&ing idiot!”
My wife said to me “Do you know you never drive anywhere without cursing at someone?”
I said “But he was in our lane!”
My wife just sighed and said “But aren’t they always?” I vowed to do less swearing at other drivers. My wife just rolled her eyes.
Our trip today included a stop to pick up the wife’s sister who works with her.
The roads really sucked. Some of them looked like they hadn’t been touched yet.
It was on one of these as of yet pristine untouched roads that some jerk in a SUV the size of my kitchen started to tailgate me. The road was mostly snow-covered except for the portions that were ice. Common sense, if not common courtesy would dictate a safe distance between motorized vehicles.
This a+*hole in the SUV had neither of these commendable traits. I took it for about half a mile before I found a place to pull over and let the in-a-hurry jerk go by. As he passed by I said “Go ahead you idiot. Obviously you are in a big @#$%ing hurry.”
The wife turned to the sister and said “This go on with your husband too?”
“All the time.” was her reply.
“But he was tailgating me and the road is really icy.” I said.
“But you do the same thing when the road is bare and dry.” my wife replied.
I had no response. Maybe there is something genetic in man’s makeup that prompts him to yell cuss words at other drivers. I know it does no good. They don’t hear me. The wife doesn’t care, I am not impressing her.
The truth is I am MORE apt to scream obscenities at other drivers when I all by myself. I am just glad there is no black box in my car that records all these explosions of profanity.
But then again I might be able to use it for a rap song.