Hard

I am running a little late today. I managed to get my lazy carcass out of bed and go the gym. The experience was not good, as you will read in the Rant D’Jour on Wednesday. That’s because the experience lent itself to a humorous column that will be published in the WEEKENDER for which they give me money, which is the same as cash.

As a professional writer (Sounds lofty. It’s not. People get paid to write traffic signs. They are also professional writers) I am always alert to circumstances that will provide me with 650 words so I can go back to surfing the web as the kids say. I surf a lot. I mostly look for pictures of Corvette motor cars with big headlights. That is my story. I am sticking to it.

Today will no doubt provide another story. The plumber is coming to fix a really unpleasant problem. I will await his arrival and diagnosis before I tell you much more. But here is a teaser. There is a BAD smell involved.

The plumber will make $300 dollars today fixing the BAD smell. How do I know the price before he arrives? Because everything a professional does that involves plumbing, electrical, computer or automotive repair costs $300. Professional writing should pay as well. Of course I don’t get my hands dirty. But there is a BAD smell. I don’t remember eating anything that smelled like that going in.

This is possibly why writing is such a lonely job. The smell. And the fact that I often write clothes optional. It’s an image that even I don’t like to think about.

I am trying to turn the writing deal into mo’ money. I was looking at a web site yesterday that hired people to research and write articles. You are expected to turn out 5 to 10 articles daily, seven days a week. Each one between 400 and 800 words. No plagiarism. You can earn $400-$1000 dollars a month, the web site said. The kicker? Each article you write gets you $1.50. Now, I am not a math wiz but…if you wrote 10 a day you would earn $15. 7 days later you have earned $105. In four short weeks you have earned $420. That’s if you write 280 articles. And here is the real kicker. I looked at the web site that publishes this output. And they have two people who are actually doing this.

I need a nap.