I’ll get his tricorder, you get his wallet.

The Rant D’Jour is about personal hygiene. And rude people. Too little of the former, too much of the latter.

Why are people so
rude? Why can’t we all just get along and behave like we were taught…more


Blog Post for Monday 3/21/11 – 32 degrees and snowing/sleeting. Seriously?

Here’s the rest of what I started yesterday. Assembled they will be this weeks column.

The following obituary was seen in many local newspapers:

Old Man Winter, known to some as “Jack Frost”, of Northeast Pa and other regions, was taken by death under the usual circumstances, March 20, 2011, 7:21 P.M. EDT. Born December 21st 2010, he was orphaned at an early age and raised by the winds of the North, the snows of Siberia and the ice of the arctics.

Schooled in hard knocks at several local institutions, Winter quickly left his mark on the area causing travel delays, power outages and school closings. In his prime he was famous for confounding television weather forecasters and shocking area residents with unexpected demonstrations of his power. At one point he made it snow every day for what seemed like a month.

He worked closely with plow operators, salt and cinder suppliers and even orthopedic surgeons to ensure them a steady supply of clogged roadways, slippery sidewalks and dislocated shoulders. Rumors of payoffs from local ski areas were suspected but discounted. It is known however, that Winter worked with his close relation, Extreme Cold, to provoke a healthy heating season for energy suppliers. Plumbers and furnace repairman worked with Winter as well.

Winter was preceded in death by fall and is survived by siblings spring and summer, and various children and grandchildren seasons including fishing, hunting, tax, Indian summer and seasons in the sun.

Memorial services will be held wherever the sun breaks through and warms the earth. Blue skies and green grass will serve as reminders of Winter and anytime spring fever breaks out you will remember Winter.

Interment has been ongoing for several weeks. Final resting places in darker corners are slowly melting but are less numerous as days get longer and temperatures rise.

In lieu of anything, flowers, especially daffodils, are welcome. Robins, returning geese and other signs of spring are more than welcome. Baby chicks, pastel colors and a return to lighter clothing, especially among younger females is encouraged.

Epitaph: When I am dead and in my grave, and all my bones are rotten. While reading this you’ll think of me when I am long forgotten! I’ll be back.


Rant D’Jour

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About James Rising

A recovering radio addict wrestles with the written word.
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