I call it stinkweed

The long-suffering wife was on a mission. I am along for comic relief. Some sort of skin care product in a particular shade was proving to be elusive. This happens from time to time. It necessitates a search through all the pharmacies in a 25 mile radius. Did you know there are four in Dallas alone?

I myself am not too particular about skin care or any such products. In fact, one of the happier days of my life was when I discovered body wash/shampoo/hair conditioner all in one bottle. If I could use it to brush my teeth and for shaving cream life would be complete or at least quicker in the morning.

I am in the third of the four pharmacies and well beyond bored beyond belief. I prowl the aisles and amuse myself taking pictures with my camera phone.

And there it is.

An entire aisle filled with pricey perfumes.

A series of glass cases, floor to ceiling (at least 10 feet tall, or so it seemed) with over a thousand products to make you smell.

To me it’s overkill to an almost alarming degree. Especially when I got back to Rising ranch (never having found the foundation for the long-suffering wife) and looked at the pictures on my camera phone and discovered that there are multiple celebrity fragrances.

Including six from Britney Spears.

If we need any further proof that the wack-job preacher who is predicting the end of the world on May 21st is on the right path, there it is in a locked cabinet in the Dallas Walgreens.

Radiance, Fantasy, (in Hidden, Circus and just plain Fantasy flavors) Curious and Believe. All priced starting at around $50 for 3.3 ounces.

Nothing against Ms. Spears, you understand, but I can’t picture asking the clerk to open the cabinet so you could choose one of her smells. I can’t picture ME doing so, anyway.

How would you decide?

Curious what it smells like

Britney, before showing off her special purpose when climbing in and out of cars, used to be a Mouseketeer. If you listen close, the whirring sound you hear is Walt Disney spinning in his grave like a machine shop lathe.

At what point does a celebrity fragrance go from smell, to stink, to stench?

Ok, so let’s not just look at Britney as a harbinger for doom in the perfume stock.

There are also bottles filled with Usher odors, (for both men and women. Hmmmm.) Tim McGraw aromas, Celine Dion tangs and even, lord please save us, so help me…Jeff Gordon bouquets.

It’s not that I think that idea of a celebrity essence is bad. I have to guess that people who make a lot of money probably know what smells good. I know Jeff Gordon has a nose, even if he can’t find victory lane with both hands and a five cell flashlight. Rim shot. Forgive the cheap NASCAR joke.

I just don’t understand how any of the stuff ever sells. First we have to suppose really hard that you like the person enough to work up the nerve to ask the clerk to open up the case. What that conversation sounds like?

“Can I sniff Britney?”

Could you? Would you?

Then you have to make up your mind which Britney you want to smell like.

Then, in an era when highly skilled professionals with PhD’s are making a living asking the eternal question “fries with that?” you have to cough up $50 dollars for not enough of the stuff to fill a tea-cup all the way?

Am I missing something here?

Unless they have raised the price, $50 would put at least three cases of something that would make even road kill smell nice into the trunk of your car. With enough left over for a visit to the PhD at the drive-thru for cheeseburgers.

Just say no


Go back to today’s Blog post for 2/2/11

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About James Rising

A recovering radio addict wrestles with the written word.
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