I wonder where the birdies is

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Blog Post for Sunday 3/20/11 – 22 degrees. First day of meteorological spring. Shoot me.

This needs tweaking but will expand and become this weeks column.

NEPA- Old Man Winter was found strangled, bludgeoned, shot, poisoned, decapitated, annihilated, dispatched, eradicated, obliterated, drawn and quartered, suffocated, wasted, liquidated and erased over the weekend.

Police said there was no shortage of suspects, in fact some officials, speaking anonymously, said that the general population of the area was taking credit for murdering the Old mMan. Prosecution seems unlikely. The general consensus is that no jury will find any guilt associated with the Old Man’s death.

Remnants of the season were found in places where the sun refused to go but they were too small to easily identify. One telltale sign of the death of the Old Man is that Robins and other birds associated with spring have been spotted in the area.

Authorities have suspended a search for suspects in hopes that a perpetrator will come forward and confess. A rumor, later proved false, was that “Punxantawny Phil” was among those responsible for doing in the stubborn old geezer. “Phil”, speaking through an interpreter wearing a top hat and tails said only “See I told you so,” before dancing in his shadow.

A cross section of NEPA citizen’s asked about their feelings in the death of Old Man Winter were candid in their remarks. “I wouldn’t wish anyone harm but the old geezer overstayed his welcome this year,” said one. “Enough, already with the (expletive deleted) ice and snow and sleet and (expletive deleted) I say. Good riddance,” said another. “About time already,” added a third, taking off a heavy overcoat, scarf and hat.

Ominous words were spoken by one area resident. “Just be sure he’s dead before you bury him. Remember what that T.S. Elliot guy said. April is the cruelest month.”

Police ask anyone with information about the death to kindly keep it to themselves.

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To the Rant